Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
