im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
