Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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