Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
