census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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