TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
