I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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