Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
