there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
