I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
