Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
