If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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