Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
