About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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