I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
