We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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