just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
