We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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