he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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