I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
