there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
