That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
