if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
