Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
