Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
