You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
