she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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