you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
