Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
