i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
