I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
