smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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