Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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