i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
