Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
