K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
