I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
