I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
