she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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