Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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