her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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