I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
