Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
