I'm gonna have a badass scar
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
