Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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