i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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