He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
