I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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