who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
