Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
