I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
