Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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