So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
