I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
