positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
