glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
