9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
