Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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