erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
