Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
