I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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