Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
