So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
