I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Btw I puked in your glovebox
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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