Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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