I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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