Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
