We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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