nutella sex= disaster
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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